These are literally just random thoughts about the week. I had intended to post yesterday but I melted into the ground at 116F and was unable to recover until today. 🥴 (Have I mentioned that I can’t stand the heat? Lol)
In the time of COVID, a week feels like a month. Even more now that I have a synchronous class and am back to work. It is difficult to recall Monday. I know Tuesday was a really hard day. Wednesday, likewise. Thursday, though, was better. Friday I just laid in bed all day and went swimming in the evening.
On Saturday, things were more interesting. My middle son has had a sore ear for a few days. it was so bad that he made me take him to urgent care. This is the son who does not let us go to the grocery store. Urgent Care was just one more unworldly experience. I have spent many pre-COVID hours at Urgent Care. I always know I have to be there at least 30 minutes before they open or we will be there all day. We were the only people. On a Saturday. It was so unsettling. When we left, there was one person in the waiting area. On a Saturday.
It is weird enough to be forced to stay at the house all the time. But going out into the world is even more bizarre. I just have not been many places. In fact, I can count on one hand the non-dentist places I’ve been since March 13. It creates a different type of stress. An added feeling of unease. I am not sure if being out in the world would help me feel more normal.
People I meet on the few occasions when I am out seem to be acting normally, but I wonder if that is just an external thing like it is with me. How does one acclimate to the sorts of restrictions, and the sorts of fears, created by COVID? It’s not something I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about, even though I really should. I think I just act like everything is normal, even though I know it is not, and likely will never be again.
My insecurities come and go. Of course, they are nothing when compared to how they were just a few months ago, let alone my entire life. It’s weird to feel normal a lot now. It isn’t quite as much as it was during the summer when I had almost no contact with people on the outside. But it is still more than it was and I am learning how to deal with real people now.
Today, Labor Day, I took one of my kids to a caravan protest outside an Amazon facility. A part of me that is still struggling with social anxiety woke me at 2AM essentially screaming in my head that they had never been asked if this was even OK. It was quite the fun bout of insomnia. 😕 So it does still happen. I do still freeze up. I do still struggle with the social things. But I do them, and then I try to work through them from Self and that helps a lot. Again, what I experience now is absolutely nothing compared to what I used to experience. In fact, just a few months ago, I would never have been able to do the things I did today.
My writing was a lot better last week, as evidence shows. On Friday I started a longer post that needs a lot of research before I’m happy with it. That’s exciting because I couldn’t do that for the first few weeks of school. Sometimes, I think, we just have to give ourselves a mental break and deal with the present stresses before we can go back to “normal.” Having let myself deal with that for a few weeks, when the time came where I had no choice but to write for a school assignment, I was able to have a clear head and that one assignment just opened everything back up again.
Life is definitely different now. I do try to make sure I’m not just numbing myself. That’s another post I’m working on. I need to make sure this new found peace does not become a lazy complacency and I ignore the world and needs around me. I don’t think it has, though. I mean, I joined a political party and became active in it in just one month. That doesn’t sound too complacent. But I want to put my thoughts together better on that part of my life before I write more about it.
I hope everyone had a good Labor Day and considered why we have a Labor Day at all. And, after consideration, I hope you will become more active for change for the regular people of this country.