I have had, most of my life, a love/hate relationship with swimming. I do not know where the fear started. I do know that, though I had once become a decent swimmer, as my marriage progressed, getting into the water in a pool to swim became something I could not stand to do. Even after I left my ex, my summers have been spent sitting on the edge of the pool with my feet firmly planted on the top step, while the kids swam and I intervened in any squabbles.

About a week ago, we finally hit triple digits for more than one day. It’s been cooler this summer and last than any summer I have lived here. But, I hate the heat, so anything over 90 is hell, imo. 😀 I decided I’d take my book and go sit by the edge of the pool and read while my daughter swam.

I mentioned in a previous post how my ADHD had stopped being a problem. Now I found I had a different problem. I could not read and listen to what my daughter was saying at the same time. Granted, when I used to do that, I was barely reading and possibly only caught every fifth word said to me. So I set my book aside and did something I haven’t done in years. I got into the pool.

My youngest son came in and the three of us swam together for a good amount of time. Even though I had things that I would need to do eventually, I didn’t feel a stress that I was wasting my time swimming with my kids.

I’ve gone swimming with them each day since. By the end of the third day, my youngest son was asking to swim laps with me. Today, my daughter wanted me to teach her all the swimming strokes. I can’t really swim and show her. My right shoulder can’t rotate. That thought didn’t bother me though. It wasn’t a depressing emotional toll like it might have been last year. In fact, last year, my kids didn’t even know I knew any of the strokes.

It’s interesting to see how quickly all of these changes are happening. Parts of me are very happy, and likely relieved. Parts of me are nervous because this is happening fast and who knows what it all means. After a lifetime of trauma-related psychological problems, having such a clear mind is not something I am used to. Every once in a while the question goes through my mind, ‘Is this how normal people always feel?’

All photos are mine.

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