Just kidding. You know I don’t go in for that sort of thought at all. I mean, I’m a positive enough person to still insist on breathing every day, but I’m also realistic.
So, the year is over. I am nearly as happy to see the end of 2019 as I was the end of 2018. The only difference is that I didn’t have a complete mental breakdown in 2019 and, as my optimism springs eternal, I think I might be slightly better than I was this time last year. At least my favorite song is no longer “Sawed Off Shotgun.”
Now, if I can just ignore all the things I’ve been avoiding, 2020 will be an awesome year. Let’s just call it, “The Year of Avoidance.” Yeah, that’s healthy.
I put them all on a list and said, “OK, on January 2nd, I will deal with them.” It made me feel good. But January 2nd is now a day away and I don’t feel so good anymore. Life sucks. If the ground would just open up, yadda, yadda.
So, the new year is here, and all the wonderful things I have been working on to try to be a more normal human being have been going swimmingly. Again, if we ignore the 800-lb gorillas in the room. Yes, I have more than one gorilla.
But, in the spirit of America, I will press on like everything is fine.
The most important factor in any good feeling I might have over the break is that I am done fixing my grades. That means I do not have to deal with the stress of my depressed GPA. That alone has improved my mood tremendously.
A few other things that I came across last term helped as well.
I found a new theme song:
And I learned that there is a word for my personality, the reason I go on even when there is no reason to go on. Sisu. Yes, there are other people in the world who believe like I do, that you just keep going even when there really is no point. The Finns apparently think that it’s not necessary to have a reason to take that next step. And they use the word “sisu” to describe that attitude.
Between those two things, I no longer feel like I am the only person who holds to the philosophy that life sucks and it may never get better, but you go on anyway. Because when I tell my fellow students about my belief, they give me weird looks.
Over the break I am doing some things to try to get it enough together that maybe, with an insane amount of luck, I can keep things running smoothly once school starts. I am nearly caught up on the laundry. The kids have kept their rooms clean. I have my floor clean, which is all you should expect of me since I also have to do all the other rooms.
I have even *gasp* cooked actual food. I bought myself the latest copy of Joy of Cooking for Christmas, since that is the only cookbook that ever made any sense to me. So I’ve made some breakfasts and some dinners. We’ll see how it goes once school and work start back.
My biggest goal for this break is to figure out how to use Notion to its fullest capacity. So far I have some lovely lists on it. Seriously, it is a great tool and I think I will be making more use of it as the term begins. I have started my reading list on it, and a list of micro-habits I might or might not work on this year. There are far more things I am trying to learn to do that are not just lists.
One thing I did that will hopefully be helpful is I created a calendar in Notion and on each day I write down everything I accomplished. Why not just do that in my journal? Well, I have crappy writing which, when I’m trying to write my accomplishments detracts from any positive effect. And I have Notion on my phone and I always have my phone. If I don’t have my phone, call the morgue, because that’s probably where I am.
There are a few other things I’m doing and I will write about them throughout the month. The important thing is that I get up and do something every day. It was very difficult at first, but now it is starting to feel a little better. I have actually impressed myself at how much I have accomplished so far.
One more week then I go back to work, then a half a week and school starts. Here’s hoping that this motivation sticks. 🙂
Here’s a great, and realistic, New Year’s resolution video from College Info Geek. (Includes info about Notion at the beginning):