For several days I have had this weird feeling. I hesitate to say for certain, but I think the feeling is called normal. It’s hard for me to know. I’ve never felt normal. But this is how I’ve imagined it must feel.
I do not know what caused it. I feel as if I haven’t done anything different lately. It could be a new vitamin I’m taking that apparently has fish oil. I have used fish oil before, but that was when I was still married so it only helped minimally.
The other possibilities are some long-term stresses that finally came to an end. The first is J’s surgery. That was huge, and I didn’t realize how huge until it was done. The second is dropping my dual major and choosing the English because I am an A+ student in English and only a B+ student in STEM. Both of these things have been possibly weighing on me and I didn’t know how much.
Of course, I’d like to think it’s because my personal philosophy of life has finally penetrated me deeply enough to make a difference. Maybe I’ve finally argued my point about how we are each worthy in and of ourselves with no need for outside validation enough that I have fully embraced it?
Or, it could just be music. Maybe Bruce Springsteen saved me again, with a lot of help from Des Rocks. 🙂 I mean, the music is fabulous and the lyrics are fitting.
I can’t tell you. I don’t even know if it will last. I hope it will.
I haven’t jumped on the “happy, happy” bus, however. It’s not that kind of fake normal that people are so fond of. The world is still a shit hole. I just feel less frantic about it.