I cannot write when I am in pain, at least nothing that makes sense. So, I attempt this lightly and only because writing is so therapeutic. Following is not a gripe, but just what is happening and how it frustrates me to no end that I cannot write because, when I’m in this sort of pain, I cannot form a coherent thought for long.

Last night, for the second time in a month, I had to use the electric cart to do my shopping. The store had only one and some lady with diabetes tried to guilt me out of it. I know, that makes me sound terrible but the pain, by that point, was making even my abdominal scar hurt, and it takes a great deal of pain for that to start.

I’ve taken so many meds that I just feel nauseous. I didn’t take anything today so I had to skip lecture, again, and will ask my lab instructor if I can leave as soon as we finish the experiment.

Well, damn, I just realized I left my lab coat in my car so now I have to walk back up there before going to lab.

My normal relief for suffering is writing. But I cannot string a single coherent thought together beyond “I’m in pain.”

Until this last month, I didn’t really view my pain as chronic, and I really can’t imagine what it would be like to have this every single day. And to live with this in America or some other third world country where the medical assistance is too expensive to afford must make it even worse.

I have to laugh because I had nearly formed a coherent thought and started to write it, then it fell apart.

Pain sucks. There is no relief, not even in my usual de-stressors.

One thought on “Again

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