If only, eh?
The past month has been utter chaos. I don’t want to get too deeply into it, but, essentially, I have not slept well, I have not eaten well, I have not been able to settle my mind because of the chaos. I’d love to say “Oh, I learned so much about myself,” but I find that attitude disingenuous and really just a bunch of false humility. So, let’s be honest when this sort of thing happens…it freaking sucks.
I’m not really sure why we do that, pretend that living through the worst sh*t in life has taught us something important that there is no way we could have learned otherwise. I think it’s likely our pride. We just want to feel good about ourselves so we make ourselves out to be these awesome people who can face adversity and never become the arseholes we think everyone else is.
Yes, I do have a negative view of humankind. Why do you ask? 😉
OK, I learned stuff about myself. And let me tell you, it wasn’t pretty. I learned that lack of sleep makes me airheaded and that stress makes me a bitch. Wow, you know, I just could totally never have known that without all this stress in my life. It’s not like this is just really common knowledge. It’s not like there haven’t been actual studies done on this so that we can learn it all from a book.
I’m gonna be frank, I do not believe there is some “reason” anything happens in life and I think it would be great if we all just stopped pretending there is. Chaos has no ultimate purpose. The universe has no real meaning. Life just is, and it just happens. To believe otherwise is to force yourself to believe a lie. And to tell the suffering that there is some purpose in it all is just cruel.
And so, I will attempt a soft-reboot now that our life has, for five seconds, settled down. I will attempt to get everything back into the order I wanted it to be before this all happened. We will try to recover as much as possible before our next sh*tstorm, which will commence in 3…2…